About Me

Upper Darby, PA, United States

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Your Legacy by Habibah Sulayman


During my most recent Sacred Sojourn--I had a number of miraculous interactions with God and His blessings in human form aka people. One of the best came in with meeting a trio of wonderful women. Since I was traveling alone--At dinner I was placed at the table with a wonderful group of women--Grandmother Catherine, daughter Gail, and granddaughter Gracie. They were originally from Canada (Grandmother & Mother) but now reside in Kentucky. We couldn't be more different--they lived in a very rural town and I was Ms City girl herself. They were Caucasian and I an African American. They were wealthy and I am in the process of getting there (Smile). But what linked us together was so much more important that what divided us--we were women. For seven nights we shared of ourselves--stories about who we were, what brought us to Puerto Rico, etc? But the most interesting facts were shared in my watching their interactions with one another.

One of the things we had in common was our love of traveling and Gail shared with me where her love started. When she was 8 years old--her mother took her to Hawaii and introduced her to the wonderful world of snorkeling. She fell in love with the ocean and all that lived in it. At the age of 15, she was taken to the Caribbean and she learned how to scuba dive. It opened her to desire to explore--so when she finished college she spent 6 months traveling the world visiting all of the great snorkeling/scuba locations--the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and a number of other places. When she got married and gave birth to her children she vowed to pass that same love onto her daughters. Which is what led us to meet when we did--this trip was introduce Gracie to God's world beneath the water with the hope of waking the same desire that laid in the heart of her Grandmother and Mother. Over the seven meals we shared I watched Gracie's love for travel blossom and I also saw the joy in Gail and Catherine's eyes in seeing the connection being formed between their generations.

It got me to thinking about what legacies we as Christian women inherited and what we are leaving behind for our daughters.

I come from a long line of strong, self sufficient, self sacrificing women. And while some may find that great--let me speak of the unspoken legacies that I inherited. I learned that everyone else's needs, thoughts, and desires were more important than my own. I learn that self care was selfish--the true mark of a good woman is to give to all in her life until she is empty by never holding anything back. I learned that love was created for everyone else but me and that true love was to love another who was not only not worthy of my love but abused me in the process. Work, work, work--you don't have a right or deserve to rest. Give, give, and give until there is NOTHING left--especially for you. The pain and hurt that you never spoke of to anyone about--just keep smiling while you were slowly dying inside. Secrets and shame was okay. Freedom was for everyone else except you. There were so many unspoken messages that I carried from my childhood into my adulthood that impact my life still today. And sadly enough, if I am totally honest I have shared those same messages with my own daughters.

I did some research and found that some of the leading causes of natural death in women--heart disease, cancer, stroke, and respiratory infections--can be deterred or even stopped by better self care. Women are twice as likely as men to suffer from depression. The causes of our spiritual deaths is even greater--anger of past hurts, bitterness over lack of reciprocity in our families, the attacks we suffer because we are beyond exhausted, etc.

But I rejoice because I serve a God of newness--beginning, legacies, and messages.  When I decided to say Yes to Jesus many moons ago--I became a new creature and old things--including those dysfunctional legacies--passed away. I have the power to now write a new legacy for not only me but for all the present and coming generations of women in my family.

I have a whole new appreciation of the speech you get when you fly--they tell you that in case of a flight emergency--when the oxygen mask comes down--place the mask on you first THEN place the other mask on your child.

As women--we must place the oxygen masks on our lives--physically and spiritually--and teach our daughters to do the same before we create another generation of women who are slowly killing themselves before they even truly begin to live.

As we head into this holiday season--there are so many gifts that we can give our daughters. We search high and low for the perfect gift for them to open on that one day but I am challenging you to examine the gifts that they receive from you every day-- your legacies--both inherited and transmitted. I pray for wisdom, discernment, and guidance from God to help you write some new legacies that will speak life into the lives of your daughters and all the women to come.

Be blessed
Habibah
© Habibah Sulayman 2011

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