Father of the Bride - Part Two

Art used by Pat Marvenko Smith, copyright 1992. To order prints visit her "Revelation Illustrated" site, http://revelationillustrated.com.

 Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

Revelation 21:7

As mentioned earlier, one of the responsibilities of the Father is to prepare the Bride, the Church, to meet the Bridegroom, Jesus the Christ.

Earlier this month, we looked at some of the parallels between the natural preparation of a Hebrew girl to become a bride and the spiritual preparation of the children of God to become the unblemished Bride of Christ. Here are even more details:

• It was customary for the father of the bridegroom to choose the bride, not the groom, himself. A friend or trusted servant (agent) would meet with the family of the bride to make the arrangements. The bride often did not even know what the groom looked like, but she knew once she agreed to the marriage, she would be with him forever! It is the Heavenly Father that has chosen us to be the Bride of Christ. The Holy Spirit acts as the agent to speak to us on behalf of the prospective Bridegroom today. We, as the prospective Bride, have a choice to accept Christ's love and this eternal relationship.
• The prospective groom would travel from his father's home to the home of the bride. The father of the bride and the groom would negotiate a price to purchase her as his bride -- a bride-price.The bride-price always reflected the value of the bride. A hefty bride-price has been paid by our Prospective Bridegroom. He paid for us with His life. In doing this, He paid the cost for all of our sins that was demanded by our Holy Father in order to dwell with him eternally. (Romans 5:5-9)
•  Upon agreement by the father of the bride, the groom, and the bride, the betrothal, a type of "engagement" began. At this time it was understood that the bride was consecrated, set apart, for the groom. This would be symbolized by a shared cup of wine between the bride and groom at the time of agreement.Our consecration begins once we accept Christ's death as a gift of salvation, and it is symbolized by our partaking of Communion. (1 Corinthians 11:24-26)
• Following the betrothal, the bridegroom left the bride to go and prepare a home for them to share. This separation gave the bride time to prepare for married life. During this time, the groom would be exempt from military duty while he prepared for his bride. Christ has promised that he has gone to prepare a place for us to come and dwell with Him.(John 14:1-3). At this time, He sits at the right hand of the Father interceding on our behalf. After He returns, He will come ready for battle for the final defeat of the enemy.(Revelation 19:11-21)
• Once the groom's father decided it was time, the groom would return for his bride. A shofar would be blown and, often in the middle of the night, the bridegroom would come to "snatch" his bride. The bride would not know ahead of time when the groom would return. When God, the Father, decides (and only then), following a trumpet blast, Christ will return for His Bride, like a "thief in the night". We, the Bride, don't know the time when He will come, so we must prepare and be ready. (1 Thessalonians 5:1-3; Matthew 25:1-13)

We have looked at how much of this preparation is done in the early years between a father and a daughter, as he pours into her. As the child grows, she becomes  a little more independent of the father and has to make more choices and decisions on her own, hopefully influenced by the lessons learned from her dad.

As we grow in Christ, there are choices we must make based what has been poured out by our Father. This month, as we continue to unwrap our identity as daughters of the Most High God, let's look at how we "ADVANCE" as CANDACE, "courageous and noble daughters" of God.

A Father Who Delights in His Child

He brought me out into a spacious place;
   he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Psalm 18:19

More than anything, I wanted my father's approval...

One of the most difficult voids to fill in a person's life is the hole formed by rejection.

We believe that a parent's love should be unconditional. Many have had the joy of this experience, but many have not. Growing up with rejection, and struggles for approval, from our father leaves what seems to be a bottomless hole in our souls.

This is a hole that can only be filled by God with an honest relationship through Jesus Christ.

Understanding our identity in Christ grows deeper as we begin to acknowledge, and accept, God's pleasure in us, His children. Throughout His Word, God makes it clear that there are many reasons He is delighted with us.

God DELIGHTS in our well-being.
Psalm 35:27 -May those who delight in my vindication shout for joy and gladness; may they always say, “The LORD be exalted, who delights in the well-being of his servant.”

God DELIGHTS in our reverent fear and worship.
Psalm 147: 10-12 -His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior; the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

God DELIGHTS in our obedience, in our doing what is right.
Proverbs 21:2-3 -We may think we are doing the right thing, but the LORD always knows what is in our hearts. Doing what is right and fair pleases the LORD more than an offering.

God DELIGHTS in making us strong.
Psalm 89:17-You are their glorious strength. It pleases you to make us strong.
 
God DELIGHTS in revealing His wisdom to us, the untaught and unskilled; his little children
Matthew 11:25-26 - At that time Jesus began to say, I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth [and I acknowledge openly and joyfully to Your honor], that You have hidden these things from the wise and clever and learned, and revealed them to babies [to the childish, untaught, and unskilled]. Yes, Father, [I praise You that] such was Your gracious will and good pleasure.

God DELIGHTS in giving us the Kingdom (with treasures beyond what we can imagine).
Luke 12:31-33- But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.

God DELIGHTS in revealing Jesus to us, His Creation, so that we can share Him with the world.
Galatians 1:15-16 - But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by his marvelous grace. Then it pleased him to reveal his Son to me so that I would proclaim the Good News about Jesus to the Gentiles.

God DELIGHTS in our endurance.
1 Peter 2:19-20-For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment. Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you.

God DELIGHTS in having created us.
Revelation 4:11- “You are worthy, O Lord our God,to receive glory and honor and power.For you created all things,and they exist because you created what you pleased.”

Forgiving Our Fathers (Part Three): The Process of Reconciliation

During this month, we have taken a look at the father-daughter relationship, good and bad. Before moving on to other subjects about our identity in Christ, let's take another look at our relationships with our earthly fathers to begin the process of reconciliation, where needed.

Remember, reconciliation is a PROCESS...it doesn't happen overnight.

As a point of reflection, take a moment to answer the following questions by Christian counselor, Dr. H. Norman Wright from his book "Healing for the Father Wound":

• How would you describe your relationship with your father?
• In what way was your father there for you?
• In what way wasn't your father there for you?
• Describe how your father has influenced or shaped your life (either negatively or positively).
• If your relationship was lacking, what have you done to overcome this?
• What do you appreciate the most and the least in your father's involvement with you?
• If your father's interaction was missing in your life, how did you fill this void?
• How has your relationship with your earthly father affected your relationship with God and with Jesus?
• At this point in your life, what would you like to be able to say to your father?

For more on what to do to begin the reconciliation process with your father, read "Healing for the Father Wound" by H. Norman Wright.

Forgiving Our Fathers (StepTwo): Having Realistic Expectations





How do you see your earthly father?

One of the common problems with daughters and their dads is that they put them on pedestals, or in order to protect themselves from yet another disappointment, don't expect much at all.

We have these father "role models" on TV that show fathers as sensitive, caring, and active participants in their children's lives, i.e. Heathcliff Huxtable. Some expect their dads to meet a criteria of a character in a book or favorite movie. Many times our fathers fall short of our expectations, and this leads to disappointment.

Some fathers never grow up, while others never seem to be able to relax and have fun. We, sometimes, have imagined that someone else's "perfect" dad was ours. Expectations of perfection will never be met, and can hinder forgiveness.

Fathers are human, just like daughters. We both have specific personalities, flaws, and the ability to make some really bad decisions, and mistakes. At one time, or another, we all stand in need of forgiveness.

One key to forgiving our fathers is to try and understand him as a man.

If forgiveness is our goal, then we can start by setting up a time to talk with him alone. If this is difficult or awkward, we could write down questions to ask beforehand to get the conversation started. Also, we might be more comfortable starting with someone close to him, like a sibling or close friend, who might have some insight. Things we find out might reveal greater understanding of our fathers' actions, opening a door for true forgiveness and real relationships.

We may never have the "Cosby Show " dad we always dreamed about, but remember that was just a TV show, this is real life.

Another set of expectations that must be reviewed and evaluated are our expectations of our Heavenly Father. Who is God? What does the bible say? Going through Scriptures and reading what God says about Himself, and how He works in, and through, the lives of others can tell us a lot of what we need to know about Him. This is important because if we fail to see God for who the bible says He is, we can end up with a distorted view of Him. We can attribute characteristics to Him that are not like Him at all. Also, we can fail to see Him in the unexpected.

Unrealistic, or unbiblical , expectations of God can lead to disappointment and even a "falling away" from Him.

God can handle our questions, doubts, and disappointments. We must continually talk to Him, and seek answers in His Word. At the end of it all, He's still God. He's holy and He never changes.

Forgiving Our Fathers (Step One):Being Honest with Our Fathers...and Ourselves

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Mathhew 6:14 -15

Forgiveness is a biblical command...and a process.

It takes time, and may have to be done in steps.

Many experts suggest that the first step to forgiving our father, or anyone else for that matter, is to understand that the person who offended us may not even be aware that we are angry with them, or why.

We walk around holding onto an anger that only we are aware of. The "offender" may sense "something" is wrong, but may not be sure what it is.

We, ourselves, may have a difficult time targeting the exact source of our unforgiveness. We may believe this is something we have already dealt with.

We can start by asking God to show us our woundedness, and the source.

Then, we can make a list of the offenses. Once listed, we have to allow ourselves to grieve and/or be angry about what we experienced. Forgiveness can't happen until we deal with our anger.

For each offense, we can list how  it affected us, what we wish would have happened, and how we can get to the place where we can begin to forgive.

We can write a letter to our father expressing exactly how we feel about the situation. We don't have to share this with anyone, including him, so we can be completely honest. We can also make a list of "I wish" statements expressing the relationship we really wanted.

Once we finish the letter and/or lists, we should read it out loud as if reading it to him.

Cry, get mad...This is where the healing process can begin.

NOTE: If you find this starting process to difficult, seek professional help. Father wounds run deep and, if not resolved, can manifest in negative and harmful behavior, including (but not limited to) drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, sexually immoral activities, and the inability to form healthy relationships with men or women. Unforgiveness will also prevent an intimate relationship with God, Your Heavenly Father.

Offended by Your Father

WHY?????????

Have you ever felt offended by your father?
Has there ever been a time you felt he could have, or should have done more?

Sometimes dads do not meet our expectations. They fall short, they're human.

It's can be a moment of crisis when our heroes fail us.

We can also experience this "crisis of belief" when it comes to God.

When tragedy strikes, or things happen in our lives that just don't make sense, our faith can be shaken. We question why God who is with us, and who cares, could allow such things to happen.

We become tired and discouraged, and questions and doubt begin to form. Why God? Why now, God? How long, Lord? Why aren't you doing more God?

In Matthew 11, John the Baptist, the forerunner of Jesus is sitting in jail for speaking against the king who was living unrighteously. He receives reports of the miracles Jesus is doing while he is languishing there. There are varying explanations of this account, but the one that stood out was that John began to question the way Jesus was doing things. If the Messiah was able to heal the sick and the lame, why not free his wrongly imprisioned strongest supporter?

As God's daughters, we can get to a similar place, "If God is with me, then why isn't He working this out differently? Can't He see how I am suffering? Why doesn't He just deliver me out of this storm?"

Jesus' answer to John's questions is quieting. In Matthew 11:6 He says, "Blessed is he who is not offended because of me."

Wow, Jesus. "Offended" because of You?

Just the idea of being offended by God seems blasphemous...but oh so real.

When others fail to meet our expectations, we get offended. When God "fails" to meet our expectations, we get offended.

How do we overcome the offenses of others? (Even those we assign to God).

1. We must admit that we are offended.
2. We have to change our expectations of others.
3. We must be willing to forgive, with the primary goal of reconciling the relationship.

More on this to come....

Father of the Bride - Part One

[Christ] gave up his life for her [the church] to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.
Ephesians 5:26-27

One of the greatest honors, and most difficult tasks, is knowing that, as a dad, you are preparing your daughter to become a bride to be given to another man.

As the church, we are being prepared for a marriage, too. We are being transformed, by the Father, to be a bride who is prepared for her Bridegroom.

When we look at the customs of the ancient Hebrew marriage process, we can see a glimpse of how the Father prepares us to be the Bride of Christ...

The traditional Hebrew marriage process had two separate parts that took place at different periods of time, the betrothal, a type of engagement, followed by the actual ceremony at a later time. This is a symbolic picture of our present relationship with Christ and the wedding to come later.

Throughout a little girl's life, her earthly father will help his daughter to be a prepared wife. He will teach her what girls need to know about boys, how to recognize a sincere and suitable suitor, the expectations of a groom, and the character of a good wife (from a husband's perspective). He will also be her covering until her husband assumes that responsiblility.

There are so many parallels to the preparation of an earthly father-of-the-bride as there are to Our Heavenly Father-of-the-Bride. His Word teaches us what we need to know about our Prospective Bridegroom, and how to recognize Him. It shows us the expectations of Jesus, and how we, the church, must assume the character of a perfect Bride. God, the Father, also covers us until the return of our Bridegroom when we shall reside with Him forever.

A Sufficient Benefactor

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
    Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you.
    Jeremiah 29:11-12

"My daddy will get it for me!"

This is a familiar cry of daddy's girls. We've often heard it declared when others have said "No."
It's amazing how much confidence many can have in a human father to come through when others won't.

Why is it often easier to trust in an earthly father, rather than our Heavenly Father? Or is it? Maybe the daughters who've been blessed to have fathers that keep their promises don't have a problem depending on God.

(NOTE: The writer knows this is not everyone's story when it comes to depending on their human fathers, but for many daughters this has been their experience.)

 As daughters of God, one of the greatest struggles we can wrestle with is that of trusting God to be concerned for our good, and recognizing His sufficiency; the fact that what He offers is enough.

"A Sufficient Benefactor"
sufficient - enough to meet the needs of a situation or a proposed end
benefactor - one that confers a benefit; especially : one that makes a gift or bequest

Together these terms describe God as the provider of every good thing in our lives, and that what He provides is enough to meet the needs of a situation.

But honestly, it doesn't always feel that way.

Faith is not based on feelings, that we understand, however, as the delay for provision becomes longer and harder, feelings can overshadow our faith, if only momentarily.

How do we come to know God as our Sufficient Benefactor?

Romans 8:28 says,
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory. 

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?(NLT)

2 Corinthians 9:8 says,
God can bless you with everything you need, and you will always have more than enough to do all kinds of good things for others. (CEV)

Ephesians 3:20-21 says,
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. (The Message)

As our Father, God has our back. He has our best interests at heart. We must believe this to truly understand the relationship He desires with us. When we see Him as our Sufficient Benefactor, the One who is enough and works things out for our ultimate benefit, we can trust him with a faith that is not based on what we see (or even experience), but on what He has promised in His Word.

A Father Who Pours In

 

One of the responsibilities, and honors, of being a father is the ability to pour into your daughter. This "pouring in" prepares them for the future that awaits.

Good fathers begin this precious relationship by pouring in love, wisdom, and encouragement by whispering sweetly to their baby girls while they are not even able to talk. From the first encounters with his daughter, he pours out promises of protection and his presence in her life.

God loves pouring into His daughters this way.

As we spend time in His presence, He pours His Spirit into our hearts. Quiet time with God alone offers a refilling. We are only able to pour out to others if we are continually filled with our Father's love, encouragement, power, and wisdom. When we miss these refills, we can only minister to others out of dry, dark places. This is serving in our own strength, and will only lead to burnout and frustration.

In Revelation, the church in Ephesus is reminded to return to their "first love". In the natural sense, for many girls, their first love is their daddy. The same must be so in the spiritual. Our first love is our love for our Father, Abba God. Revelation 2:5, tells us that the key to returning to our first love is to repent from where we are and turn back to the way we were when we first came to Christ. We must go back to that childlike faith we had, that total dependence on God, that eagerness and desire to spend time in His presence.

If we find ourselves feeling dark and dry when it comes to God and our faith, we should take a trip back to those moments in the beginning of our relationship with Him. There, He held us in His arms and whispered sweet promises of love, protection, and encouragement. There, we find the pouring in of the oil that allows us to minister in power, in line with the Spirit of our Daddy. There, we shine brightly, and are never dry.

I Want My Daddy!

When a baby cries, it longs to be heard.
When this daughter cries, she longs to be heard by her Daddy.

A lot of tears have been shed, and many cries have gone out to the Father, with a longing to be heard.

Many have the parenting philosophy to just let the baby "cry it out", and while this may work in some instances, there is nothing like having your cries met with a comforting response.

It's a frustating feeling, when you cry out, but don't feel like anyone is listening.

As doers, workers, servants, rescuers, nurturers, martyrs, finishers, encouragers, fixers, etc. many of God's daughters are in great need for a comforting response to their cries. We could use a daddy-sized hug, a gentle word, or a sincere pat on the back to soothe the cries of our hearts. It's comforting just knowing that someone is listening.

Many of the daddy's-girls I know, are famous for the cry, "I want my daddy!!!", seeking the assistance of their human father in times of trouble.

Well as daddy's girls of the Ultimate Father, we can cry that same cry, and know He is always listening, always caring, and always there.

"I Want My Daddy!", is a cry that warms God's heart because he knows it expresses our dependence on Him as the true source of our help.

Like a helpless baby girl who knows that she needs the comfort of her father to soothe the hurt, we have to cry out to our Father knowing he is faithful and will come to our aid to soothe, and mend, our hearts.

God, my Father, it is during those times when I feel most angry, hurt, frustrated, and disappointed that I cry out to You, knowing you are the ONLY source of comfort. The fact that You are only a cry away brings comfort to my situation, and the strength I need to go on. Thank You Daddy. Amen.