Forgiving Our Fathers (StepTwo): Having Realistic Expectations





How do you see your earthly father?

One of the common problems with daughters and their dads is that they put them on pedestals, or in order to protect themselves from yet another disappointment, don't expect much at all.

We have these father "role models" on TV that show fathers as sensitive, caring, and active participants in their children's lives, i.e. Heathcliff Huxtable. Some expect their dads to meet a criteria of a character in a book or favorite movie. Many times our fathers fall short of our expectations, and this leads to disappointment.

Some fathers never grow up, while others never seem to be able to relax and have fun. We, sometimes, have imagined that someone else's "perfect" dad was ours. Expectations of perfection will never be met, and can hinder forgiveness.

Fathers are human, just like daughters. We both have specific personalities, flaws, and the ability to make some really bad decisions, and mistakes. At one time, or another, we all stand in need of forgiveness.

One key to forgiving our fathers is to try and understand him as a man.

If forgiveness is our goal, then we can start by setting up a time to talk with him alone. If this is difficult or awkward, we could write down questions to ask beforehand to get the conversation started. Also, we might be more comfortable starting with someone close to him, like a sibling or close friend, who might have some insight. Things we find out might reveal greater understanding of our fathers' actions, opening a door for true forgiveness and real relationships.

We may never have the "Cosby Show " dad we always dreamed about, but remember that was just a TV show, this is real life.

Another set of expectations that must be reviewed and evaluated are our expectations of our Heavenly Father. Who is God? What does the bible say? Going through Scriptures and reading what God says about Himself, and how He works in, and through, the lives of others can tell us a lot of what we need to know about Him. This is important because if we fail to see God for who the bible says He is, we can end up with a distorted view of Him. We can attribute characteristics to Him that are not like Him at all. Also, we can fail to see Him in the unexpected.

Unrealistic, or unbiblical , expectations of God can lead to disappointment and even a "falling away" from Him.

God can handle our questions, doubts, and disappointments. We must continually talk to Him, and seek answers in His Word. At the end of it all, He's still God. He's holy and He never changes.