Forgiving Our Fathers (Step One):Being Honest with Our Fathers...and Ourselves

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Mathhew 6:14 -15

Forgiveness is a biblical command...and a process.

It takes time, and may have to be done in steps.

Many experts suggest that the first step to forgiving our father, or anyone else for that matter, is to understand that the person who offended us may not even be aware that we are angry with them, or why.

We walk around holding onto an anger that only we are aware of. The "offender" may sense "something" is wrong, but may not be sure what it is.

We, ourselves, may have a difficult time targeting the exact source of our unforgiveness. We may believe this is something we have already dealt with.

We can start by asking God to show us our woundedness, and the source.

Then, we can make a list of the offenses. Once listed, we have to allow ourselves to grieve and/or be angry about what we experienced. Forgiveness can't happen until we deal with our anger.

For each offense, we can list how  it affected us, what we wish would have happened, and how we can get to the place where we can begin to forgive.

We can write a letter to our father expressing exactly how we feel about the situation. We don't have to share this with anyone, including him, so we can be completely honest. We can also make a list of "I wish" statements expressing the relationship we really wanted.

Once we finish the letter and/or lists, we should read it out loud as if reading it to him.

Cry, get mad...This is where the healing process can begin.

NOTE: If you find this starting process to difficult, seek professional help. Father wounds run deep and, if not resolved, can manifest in negative and harmful behavior, including (but not limited to) drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, sexually immoral activities, and the inability to form healthy relationships with men or women. Unforgiveness will also prevent an intimate relationship with God, Your Heavenly Father.